Shifting context; Sealed with a brand.

ast night I found myself laying on the carpet drinking hard cider by the fireplace. Laying there, thinking about the shitty day I just had.

Thinking how I really could have used a friend. Then realizing thats why the day felt so shitty if the first place.

No matter how much an individual professes to care about you, at the end of the day, when it matters, human beings are selfish, short-sighted, temperamental creatures.... That makes me sound bitter, but im not. in fact, it brought me to an important epiphany.

I was never once lonely for the first 20 years of my life.only the past two years or so....people should never be used as a crutch. Im going back to how things were. Being emotionally self sustainable is the way to go.

So, I decided to spend today by getting a nice book, a sandwich, and riding the motorcycle up north to the national park and finding a couple of beautiful spots to just read and think and be.

Its easier to change what you want then it is to get what you want.... And thats how you get what you need.

One is never alone if he counts himself as enough.

So. That was my decision I got up and put my hand on the top of the fireplace to push myself up...... Let me tell you. Those old fashioned metal fire places get real fracken hot, real fracken fast. If you drop a drop of water on it, it doesnt even touch the metal surface really. It just rolls around like a mini ball for a second before dissapearing with a hiss.

And when you put most all of your body weight on that hand........ ouch.

I now have two permanent scars on my left hand. one travels diagonally down..... (Irony?)

Anyways, if I hadnt been drinking before, I started then. Knocking back 7 hard ciders to try to kill the pain while I spent most of the night with my hand under a cold faucet, and the rest lying with a tube of frozen meat in my hand......

im still buzzed, in pain, and verry verry sleep deprived.

Why did I get that burn right after I made my decision?

Is fate trying to tell me something?

Go fuck yourself fate.